CORONAVIRUS:  A DIFFICULT TIME

HERE IS AN UPDATE (June 7, 2020)

Caregiving and Coronavirus

  March, 2020. We suddenly learned that the facility would no longer allow loved ones to visit their family members in the memory care facility.  This was a direct result of the fear of the Corona Virus entering the facility.  If it did enter, it would likely spread easily and would almost certainly cause fatalities.  Banning visitors would greatly reduce the chances of all of that occurring.  So I can understand.  This was to hold “until further notice.”

            However, this was quite a blow to me and surely to her as well.  We spent hours together nearly every day, nearly all of them happy times.  We ate lunch and dinner together nearly every day.  I felt that I could accept the extension of loneliness and continue with the other parts of my life.  But I was very anxious about her.  She had survived a difficult period that started with a bad fall, hospital time, and rehabilitation time.  Then unhappily the medical system had insisted on a strong seizure drug that created great fatigue, irritability, and unhappiness for her.  When I finally lobbied long and hard enough for a change, she had shown great improvement.  (More about all of that in a later blog.)  But I was not certain how the entire set of changes brought on by the disease, the fall with brain injury, and drugs would affect her with isolation now added.

            Besides my ongoing absence, she would not be going out of the building to any other activities.  We had meals out once or twice a week; we saw family regularly.  We went to church most weeks.  She went on the company bus with others to see local sights.  And there would be no incoming activities.  Musicians came at least once a day and music is a great love of hers.  The facility became a true “lockup” for her and other resident

            And this was a source of considerable anxiety and sadness for me.  Of course, I now had more time available but it would be mostly alone.  And my anxiety was mostly for her state of mind.  She could not really understand why I was not there.  There had been many times in the past when she wandered the halls calling for me.  As in those times, of course, the staff could redirect (a recent blog) by telling her I would be there soon.  No doubt, though, they are still telling her that.

            April 7, 2020.  We are approaching a month since the facility was locked down for prevention of Coronavirus.  This has been an especially lonely time for me.  Fortunately when I do talk to her on the phone, she is typically very happy, which is reassuring.  There is not much more I can do for her right now.

            May 3, 2020.  We regularly talk by phone, as caregivers there are willing to connect us.  She is still happy nearly all of the time, as far as I can tell.  A few “friends” have suggested that maybe she is happy because she does not have to put up with me!!  It should be noted that part of my strategy while talking to her is to be happy and joke with her.  I always tell that I am coming soon and I will grab her and give her a great big hug and a kiss.  She laughs at that talk.  There is not much real success at telling her about the coronavirus and why I cannot come to visit.

             June 6, 2020.  Later in May, I had a “care conference” with the administrative staff at the facility.  They said she was more confused and lost than earlier and also seemed somewhat less lively.  Still our phone conversations involve her laughter and giggling.  But I am less certain about whether she knows who I am.  Certainly her talking does not make any sense to me.  The passage of 3 months in this situation cannot be best for her already fading memory for people in her life.  But I will be surprised if true visiting happens before the end of the year.  People in long-term care are clearly among those at greatest risk for the disease and for death from the disease.  And close living situations are the most dangerous.  Return to normality is likely to wait until an immunization is given to many of us.