An Extraordinary Caregiver
The Consummate Caregiver—A Recognition
J, the person the entire blog is about, should recognize the love I and many others have for her because of her great contribution to many, many people, and (for me) especially to Beverly. Of course, everyone who knows her will recognize her from this blog.
These blogs are about caregiving so let’s recognize a person who is both dedicated and amazingly skilled at caregiving. J specializes in music and we know that music reaches the deepest parts of the minds of dementia patients and does so in a way that improves functioning and creates joy. Music is always on J’s mind and she knows how to engage the residents with a smorgasbord of different types of music, from country to jazz, from rock to Broadway. Her music is constantly fun and captivating to those many residents who need engagement and positive stimulation. The musical performances are always filled with laughing and enthusiasm. There must be a few hundred songs in her repertoire. Whatever the song, those in attendance get involved, sometimes singing along and generally feeling the rhythm. Their brains know many of these songs and are positively stimulated. Beverly is always there, keeping the beat and making harmonies to the melody.
Then she often makes the singing personal; she directs “happy birthday” to one of the residents and thus makes the birthday a wonderful celebration for them, which is especially significant during this time since the family can’t come to be with them for their birthday because of COVID. She changes words in songs to make them personal, putting a person’s name in the song and singing directly to them. She engages the residents in active participation in the music.
She also has a deep intuitive understanding of how to make lives better through her day-to-day interaction. There is a “magic” that very few can offer to those (residents, family, and staff) of us whose lives are strongly impacted by dementia. Who can fail to respond to a positive, happy, vibrant, enthusiastic style? There is always much laughing. She can be a bit over the edge, but it works for all. Indeed, when she enters the dining room, everyone knows it, as she greets many with laughing and fun. She is a natural entertainer. She brings joy to all, whether singing or just being there.
Once in a while someone seems to be bothered by her boisterous style; so she will find the right moment to approach them and have a friendly interaction. After that, this person will be part of the crew, enjoying the fun of being enthusiastically engaged.
My personal experience with J was and is always positive—with the music and many interactions. For me and Beverly, there have now been 3 years of contact with J inside this facility. Now, in the time of COVID, she is a lifeline for me, as she gets me on the phone with Beverly a few times a week. And she magically manages the broken conversation enough to make it coherent and fulfilling. She can always prod Beverly to say she loves me and tell me she will talk to me soon. And she contacts others by phone for Beverly to talk with, primarily those in her family. She often helps Beverly with her eating, as she generally needs some assistance.
She provides extended personal care for one of the residents, one who was previously often unhappy. She manages to do the impossible, namely get that person smiling and laughing lots of the time. Indeed, the two times I have seen J actually cry, she explained that it was because she could not get the person she was helping come out of sadness, at least for the moment.
She also has remarkable patience and acceptance of everyone with dementia; there are several of them I try to avoid, typically because they have been violent to others. But J goes right up to all and offers them her happiness and positive interaction. Quite a level of kindness!
Members of the staff of the facility have contributed to my writing about J. One said,
“We appreciate and love her positive influence and help.” And “She is approachable and warm.”
Let’s continue to value J and many others who are such wonderful caregivers. You cannot find another caregiver like J, but it is helpful to know about how caregivers can be successful for those with dementia. Look for someone like J.