Two Outstanding Caregivers

 

I can write about these two because I know them both well and have continuing interactions with them.   There are so many others.  Remember that there are many, certainly in this facility and elsewhere, who skillfully manage the impact of dementia on patients and their families.  

 

 Tracey

 

Tracey is the consummate concierge at the front desk of the facility.  This is not at all a standard receptionist position, whatever it might look like.  There are multiple simultaneous demands:  admitting everyone to visit or work; preventing residents from leaving; answering the phone (nearly all calls pass through there); calming upset residents; comforting sad family members, all while saying cool and collected.  No one could do it better than Tracey does.

 

Virtually anything that is raised by any visitor or resident is often first addressed to Tracey.  Mostly she simply takes care of those things, such as advising new resident’s families on moving in.   Of course, there is the physical problem of furniture, clothing, and all.  More significantly, there are the emotional problems that accompany moving in.  The new resident is often unhappy and frightened.  And for the others in their life (their spouse, children, and/or friends), their loved one will now enter a new world and you will be less connected to them.  For all, it is sad and terrifying at the same time.  Tracey is great at comforting them.

 

Anything (clothing, furniture, etc.) brought in by friends and relatives must be processed at the front desk.  Mail and deliveries will also be dealt with there.  The lobby is sometimes pure chaos, so her unflustered style is perfect for this.

 

Imagine dealing with a male resident, one who is large, muscular and angry at the moment.  This may be because he wanta to leave the facility or it may be something that happened to him that is known, or it may be completely unclear.  She calms him down without any hesitation.  Her approach is to always stay calm and talk somewhat sensibly without disagreeing with him.  If he says, “That guy took my hat and I’m getting it back.”  Then he raises a fist.  Tracey simply says, “Now, easy, easy, we’ll get it back for you and there won’t be any trouble.”  She is a great negotiator with someone whose mind is not quite right from the dementia.  But they do understand that she is trying to help and she does not want to interfere with them.  She never simply says “No.”

 

Then there is the resident demanding to get out the front door, even pushing and pounding on the door.  The answer is, “I can’t unlock this door.  But go to the back door, down that hall, because that one is unlocked.”  This is a great “happy lie” as he heads out that way and forgets, by the time he is there, that it was supposed to be unlocked.  Or, “Your wife/daughter (and she knows all the residents and who the right family member would be) is looking for you down the hall.  Go down this way.”  And she points to the direction they should go, or even gets up and leads them for a bit. 

 

Or there is the staff member who is crying about some life circumstance; truly Tracey is a natural therapist.  And then I (and others like me) am upset over Beverly’s situation or something she has done that was quite troubling to me.  Usually Tracey finds time to talk about what has happened and provide reassurance; and, at the end, “Go home and get some rest.”

 

And she gets clothes for various residents, including Beverly, usually by going to one of those discount stores where the clothes are great, but not expensive.  (Of course, we pay her, but she spends her off time doing that sort of thing.)

 

Now that we have the COVID situation, all is not the same.  The lobby is simply a barrier between residents and everything in the outside world; that is the protection against the disease entering the facility and being serious or fatal to many residents.  So Tracey works in some usual ways plus preventing anyone other than essential employees from entering.  Of course, the COVID constraints make the job less stressful and also much less interesting (even boring).

 

Tracey has made our journey so much better for our years there.

 

Mindy

 

            Mindy is a very dedicated and effective person working with Beverly and the others in this facility; she is an experienced Social Worker.  She has a wonderful understanding of people with dementia and those connected to them; she has a very caring approach to managing their issues.  Also she is that person who is always willing to discover, create, and manage a new job for herself, a job that is valuable to residents and their families/friends.  She has managed the “visiting” process from the start.  This is a system where family/friends can come to the facility and talk with their loved one, who is on a small outside deck with a large plexiglass screen in between the resident and family.  And we still maintain a separation of 6 feet or more.  And, when I come, she stays there with Beverly. We can see each other and talk, sing some songs, and have a few laughs.

 

            That may sound like it is easy to stand with Beverly (or others for other families) and listen and watch while we interact.  But this is sophisticated work; she has the ongoing task of supporting the interaction.  What Beverly says to me needs to be interpreted to some degree and what I have to say also restated to her.  It is often unclear what Beverly means and she often does not seem to know the meaning of what I am saying.  The intermediary can make the interaction work more effectively.  Who knows what is accurate for what she says or what she understands of what I say to her?  But somehow the “scaffolding” that Mindy provides makes the interaction functional.  There is a “genius” in managing the interaction.

 

            Mindy also manages so much of the process of dealing with family members who worry about their loved ones.  There are issues that come up with all residents, especially with regard to behavioral problems, including aggression, sadness, fear, eating, and so on.  She must support both the resident with dementia and the family who must face the problems for their loved ones.  Mindy has both dedication, caring, and great skillfulness.  Family members often need some private counseling.

 

            There are so many tasks she faces, including scheduling meetings (now virtual) for families to be updated about the ongoing status of their loved ones: medical, behavioral, emotional, weight loss, and (of course) the continuing deterioration resulting from the dementia process.  And there is always some counseling in these meetings.  

            

            Mindy is also a significant part of the experience for Beverly and for me.

 

            It is so important to recognize those, like Tracey & Mindy, who are making our lives more functional and satisfying.  Wherever you are (or will be) in a journey with dementia, it is very important to recognize those who are making life better.